Changes

When I started pagan-blogging on Tumblr, I had an initial URL and blog title, but after perhaps a week or two, I realized I disliked both of them, but I didn’t really have any strong notion about what to change them to. So I picked a new URL that was bird-related, and put “subject to change without notice” in the “title” block, as both placeholder and irritated/comical commentary. (Tumblr requires you to enter a title. I’d have left it blank until something occurred to me.)

Naturally, and amusingly, my URL went through another change many months later, but the title has stuck. It is a useful reminder at times.

Early 2014 brought some major, disruptive changes to my life: my elderly parrot died at the end of January, leaving me in a birdless home for the first time in 18 years, and I moved to a new apartment a week later. The end of 2014 also brought some disruptive changes, or at least the first stages in significant changes, though less dramatic than January/February.

Then on Solstice, after I had done the brief ritual I had planned, I was prompted to do some divination about the year ahead. One of the things that was very clear (and that has been confirmed via other sources), is that there is some major change ahead this year in terms of my spiritual/religious practices. I don’t have any clear notions what parts of my practice are all involved, or what the change(s) will look like, though I have a few suspicions about what might be involved, and some of that is related to the unexpected disruptive event from the late fall.

I met a new deity. From outside the Norse pantheon. And during our first meaningful conversation (“Come talk to Me” “Wh- what?! . . . erk. Um. Ok . . . “ is not meaningful), He indicated that He wished to have a particular sort of partnership, and I should think about it.

Naturally, my first response was to say “Okay, I will. Think about it,” while trying not to freak out, because from what little I knew of Him, I could see some major benefits from having Him as an ally but this was a lot too much too soon, and so my next response was attempting to live in denial about what He was actually suggesting, and then proceeding to have a serious of major meltdowns over how much I couldn’t cope with this potential future reality, even though already, so very quickly, I knew there was no way I could tell my new Suitor to take a hike and be gone from my life. (And it was quickly a little too blatant for comfort that He was, in fact, quite serious about His intentions, so denial that He was, actually, really, asking that didn’t last very long at all.)

Loki was very helpful in several ways: encouraging me to take it seriously, reassuring me that things between us were good, reassuring me that New Deity and the proposed relationship would be good for me, and mashing every relevant button to produce the right kinds of meltdowns at the right times for various Divine Purposes.

The new god visited me in a very brief dream a few days after that first conversation – He told me earlier in the day He would. There was me, there was a large wildcat with tufted ears, but it wasn’t really a wildcat, I knew it was a god there. When I woke I knew it wasn’t a caracal – a lynx then. Oohhh, yes, and uh, it must have been Him. It certainly wasn’t Loki.

This turned out to be convenient because it helped me figure out how to refer to Him; I don’t want to identify Him for certain reasons, at least for now, so He is “Mr. Lynx-ears.”

So. My devotional routine has been upset. (I have been upset. This is harder in certain ways than it was dealing with Loki those first few months. The feelings and relationship are fundamentally different in certain ways that make it more of a struggle. But They have essentially cornered me a couple of times in the last month – working together, very clearly – and made it quite clear that I needed to get over myself and some of my hangups and make some decisions and (light-but-serious) commitments towards taking the future of the relationship seriously.)

There have been indications that more of His . . . Family? Colleagues?? *hand waving* will be known to me at some point.

This could part of the “big changes ahead for you! Don’t get attached to how you currently religion!” indications. Or not.

This blog is also going to be seeing some changes. There will be . . . more frequent writing. He requested it of me. A serious commitment. Once a week, for a year. (While I blabber often on Tumblr, a schedule-of-sorts, and one that requires reading things and then writing about them suddenly seems like an awful lot of work.) I am actually looking forward to it – the topic(s) are near and dear to my heart, I have been a bit too much away for too long – and gods know I sometimes need deadlines and unspoken threats to push forward on things that are meaningful to me, especially when I have a mess of unmanaged hangups related to those meaningful things. I believe that mess is also on His to-do list. (And – a recent realization – He is also my King, though I don’t exactly know what that means, but there it is, or seems to be.)

So that’s coming. One of the changes I actually know the specific form of! And something the unchangingness of I am virtually guaranteed over the next year. I may cling to that.

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About Fjothr Lokakvan

More or less Northern Tradition polytheist.
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5 Responses to Changes

  1. Hmmm….a lynx

    One of my daughters went through a prolonged lynx phase. I don’t know if there was anything more to it than kids being random. At one point it was just easier for her to become a quadruped than walk about upright. She was our broods most capable shapeshifter. Eventually she was adopted by the Ironwood and has been training as a healer.

  2. Myriad says:

    I’m definitely looking forward to reading more from you!! <3

    • Heh, well, it may be more than planned, because the problem (?) with writing is that doing it tends to shake a lot of other stuff loose to the point it feels it has to get written, too.

      • Myriad says:

        good placement of question mark :) Yeah, I see your point though. It “helps” that I usually don’t have time to do much writing, so it really has to be condensed.

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